I’m going to keep this brief since it’s 11pm and I’m sure M will be up early tomorrow. But I couldn’t let the night end without sharing this.
Long story short – one of my friends is getting a clearance. I have an investigator coming to talk to me tomorrow about her. Not a big deal, and something that in my field is pretty common… this is the 4th or 5th time I’ve talked to an investigator for a clearance matter. Anyway, today – the investigator called to set up the appointment he was asking about where I was employed and what would be a good time. He said something along the lines of “your friend says you still work, but not in the office, and not very often??” So I explained my situation, which for those of you that don’t know is this: I was going to quit my job and be a SAHM full time. But when I gave my notice, they offered me something I couldn’t refuse – the opportunity to work a few hours a week from home. So that’s what I do. And as I explained it to him he says “Oh, so you work full time and then some, that must be tough.” I was stunned. A stranger – a MALE – put exactly what I’ve been feeling into words. The perfect words to describe my “job”. I have a full time job that starts somewhere between 7 and 9 each morning, and ends sometime between 8 and 10 at night… and when that job’s over???? Then I work for 2 hours. It’s not easy. It’s exhausting… and it absolutely astounded me that this man not only understood, but put it so eloquently without being prompted at all.
I don’t think anyone (including myself) that hasn’t done it understands how hard being a SAHM is. Sure, you get to stay at the house. You don’t have to get up and get yourself presentable to get to work on time. BUT – did you know I rarely get the chance to make myself presentable? Did you know I can’t tell you the last time I went to the bathroom without M in the room? I used to say that I couldn’t have a successful day that didn’t start with a shower. Now? IF I shower before A gets home I consider it a success. I used to think SAHMs had it easy. That it would be relaxing. Now? I realize that going to a job outside of the home is FAR more relaxing. That may sound strange to those of you who aren’t SAHMs. But here’s the thing… when you go to work, don’t you ever just take a minute and zone out? Take a sip of your coffee and just focus on your coffee? Aren’t there hours, even days, where your body is there but your mind isn’t? You go through the motions, but you aren’t 100% invested in what you’re doing at that particular moment? As a Mom – you don’t get to have those times. You not only have to be there, you have to be an active participant in the day THE ENTIRE TIME. I may get an hour break during nap-time, sure, but did you notice that my “work-day” is usually at least 13… usually more… hours long? And keep in mind, I don’t get weekends off!!
Don’t get me wrong. I love being a SAHM. I love that even though I’m home with M I still have responsibilities at work – I still have to use my brain, my degree, my intelligence. I feel like I have the perfect situation right now – the best of both Worlds. So although this post may seem like I’m complaining, I wouldn’t change anything. I love my new jobs. I love the tiredness that comes from them. I love the bond M and I are forming. I love being home, I just never in a million years expected that it would be this hard.
Holy crap. I had to pick my jaw up off the ground.
Oh, Dear… yes, I remember when I was finally able to take a shower pretty much when I wanted to, and without anyone else in the room. It only took until J was about 5…so that was…let’s see…11 years from first baby! Now, 15 years later, I don’t even have to LISTEN (too carefully) to what’s going on outside!
We passed a great milestone this past weekend, B. For the first time since children, T and I actually got to sit on the beach together – WHILE THE KIDS WERE IN THE WATER!!! Whoo-hoo!!! See, you will eventually return to some degree of independence!
It is hard work, and it is the best work. I’m glad you understand now!
A. Freaking. Men. I was a SAHM for 15 weeks while I was on maternity leave and it’s WORK. It’s HARD WORK. And my daughter wasn’t even rolling over then. It’d be a thousand times harder now. SAHMs are superheroes!!
I wish that guy could speak with my husband! lol! Staying at home is definitely a tough job and, like most men, my husband thinks I should be grateful to stay home and should never complain. It’s so tough to explain to him how much I love staying home yet how stressful it can be at the same time. I have a 3 year old and my youngest, Liam, is about to already be 1 year old! Believe me, it does get better, as I’ve found even this year. Bringing home baby will also mean a readjusting for the entire family. My 1st was nearly finished with potty training when Liam came home and reverted back to the very beginning. He’s finally almost trained again a year later! I went a long while without a shower… and still usually have my 3 year old talking to me sitting on a chair in the bathroom most of the time. lol. Anywho- all of us SAHMs are also WAHMs and have to stick together!
So glad i stumbled across you via twitter (@childrenteach). Visit my blog anytime! Take care.
I work @ work 3 days a week and at home 1. So I am home 4 days…and it is tough. I usually never shower those days and my DH is home the other days and he doesn’t shower either. It is nice to zone out at your computer screen for 10 mins here and there. If you do that at home, someone could get injured. It is very exhausting being at home and congrats to the mom’s who do it w/2 or more who aren’t in school yet!